I Was Dreaming When I Wrote This

(For Mridara)

I was dreaming when I wrote this.

When I wrote this I was under the influence of only you.

Sometimes dreams sneak up on you, other times they come at you like a cyclone.

I was believing when I wrote this.

When I wrote this I was under the influence of a goddess.

Sometimes belief falls from the sky like hard rain, other times it wakes you in the morning with breakfast in bed and a big smile on its angelic face.

I was flying when I wrote this.

When I wrote this I was under the influence of high-level clouds and heavenly bodies.

Sometimes flying takes you away from the ones you love, other times flying brings you back to those who you’ve discovered you cannot live without.

You are a dream come true.

The living embodiment of what occurs when passion and intellect collide head-on.

I’ve always believed one day my dreams would take flight and I’d finally discover another soul who gets what it feels like to have a volcano raging inside and how the only calm you ever truly experience is when you’re scaling unbelievable heights in your mind’s eye.

Charles Cicirella

3/26/2012

Perfect Storm

(For Mridara)

She’s a perfect storm of Spiritus Mundi and existential angst.

She’s the primal fire that burns hotter than the yellow sun.

She’s Vincent’s “The Starry Night” and Frida’s “Self-portrait with Thorn Necklace and Hummingbird”.

She’s the one you wish would call when night presses down on you like bullets from a jealous gun.

I was alone.

I was quaking in my own ill equipped self-confidence.

I was rationalizing everything by living in the moment with denial as my co-conspirator.

I wasn’t and that was not much fun.

Break open the Earth with your hands and mouth.

Break down who you are by questioning everything and allow chaos to become your North Star.

Break through constancy with the passion of an invincible Saint and refuse any and all limits especially when they have been introduced through self-doubt and self-recrimination.

Our feelings are never counterfeit when we are an honest broker with the God that lives inside us.

Our feelings are never circumspect or circumstantial as long as we forestall addictive remedies by crashing through empty promises and empty declarations of love.

Our feelings will never let us down as long as we face them head on and stare straight into the dragon’s warring eyes.

I desire her.

She’s a perfect storm of questions questioned and answers left by the church’s door.

I am inspired by the word-poems she creates and how these structures float so freely in oceans of space.

She’s a perfect storm of new dawns and ancient autumns turning around and around like a cosmic pinwheel on a perpetual quest for self-knowledge.

I desire to hold her when the April rains arrive and our blue raincoats serve as no more protection than our blue moods.

Charles Cicirella

3/25/2012

Masquerade to the sounds of the night, when eternity holds endless power and bliss as bountiful as the skies.... Being the many that you are...

''“I surround myself with silence. The silence is within me, permeates me, my house, reaches beyond the surfaces of the outer walls and into the bordering woods. It is one silence, continuous from within me outward in all directions: above, beneath, forward, rearward, sideward. In the silence I listen, I watch, I sense, I attend, I observe. I require this silence. I search it out.”
-Alice Koller

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

-"One art"- Elizabeth Bishop

Have you ever thought about how insane it must be to be one of those characters stuck within a book, or a work of art like the mona lisa who had to look enigmatic forever. What a prison to be caught within a canvas never being able to change or come out. What madness to play the same story over and over again to every reader, being a slave to their subjective imaginations which twisted, dissected and interpreted in every direction.

Human relationships kills innocence- mans relationships are also doctored towards a manipulative goal- this gives man too much sight into the aspects of human relationships which was before not too superficially cognitive- thus giving man the ruthlessness to manipulate his relationships towards only production and gains- this alienates him from the people he manipulates- and also alienates him from himself by undermining the mysteries of human relationships and interactions- thus making him assume an existential view of life assuming that all in life is known and that his search ends...

On why christianity is a bliss?

This world often disappoints individuals in their quest for bonds, soulfulness and meaning. But when one turns to Christ he/she is able to feel the everlasting love and bond god shares with man and so even when there is nothing else(which is the case in most realities), there is god, this somehow gives man an illusion to live on inspite of the pathos of his existence. In this way, Christ is merciful, as it atleast gives hope for passions to live on, and this hope keeps the core of the soul alive.

"Selfishness and Selflessness exist hand in hand"- Selflessness no matter how pure will always be a pleasure giving mechanism. There's another kind of selflessness, the superficial selflessness derived purely for public exhibition.

Man's mind and nature is fickle, thus a government is necessary- institutions and objectivity is essential- subjectivity will lead to chaos- because man and his generations are fickle...

it is nicer to feel silent alone, than to feel so in a room full of people, i prefer the former.

“Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man”

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Wisdom doesn't come without the heart... wisdom is humane, the heart is a representation of humanity... the heart that goes along with real wisdom is not materialistic, nor is it materialistic in an emotional way, it is patient, kind and humane and a true index of what we are in the purity of our souls and beings...

maze of nothingnesss...

abyss

Forgot there was an eternal up in an abyss... *shivers*... maybe if we all got used to space, and didn't have the intellectual arrogance of wanting to know everything and comprehending it, the up or the down wouldn't be that eternal... would the sky seem eternal to a tiny bird?... wonder why human beings feel a sense of angst, maybe the materialism of happiness, sadness and a million other things enslave us into searching for a million destinies... But materialism doesn't mean not buying the shoe, materialism is buying the shoe and still feeling empty... you could buy a million things but at the end of the day if you feel a sense of fulfillment and meaning, then you have archived being non materialist, the true point lies in feeding the soul i suppose... we always starve it... whats the point in being a Gandhi, we cant fool ourselves for long as hypocrites... infact in today's world we are better off being ourselves, going on our petty quests and having our petty falls, than trying to renounce the world and go into a state of whateverness... When i think of abyss, i think of being underwater, in a deep sea, standing on the edge of a mountain top, and looking down, the gorges in seas are very deep and dark... Abyss (from Greek ἄβυσσος = "bottomless", "the bottomless pit") Nietzsche said, "When you look into the abyss, the abyss looks back into you." very deep, this quote... if you understand the spirituality that nature offers, the way a trees bark breathes and the way leaves talk and the way birds listen and look into your eyes, when you have enough silence in you to listen to those things around you, the world becomes blissful... If you ever understood the travelogue "The snow leopard", you can get this quote... And if you get this quote, you get god, and the way the god that we see in the old testament of the bible used to talk to people... But there's one thing, the western concept of existentialism is pessimistic and one of doom... My abyss is not one of fear of the dark, I guess I comprehend darkness as light too, l love the abyss just as I love god, nature and life.. The Indian understanding of maya and existentialism is one of hope and optimism, and its one of beauty, a way to comprehend every essence in life that is real... But i think there is no purpose to life, seeking for a purpose is seeking for materialism, maybe life is a journey, a journey where we make the best meaning out of sights, sounds and experiences... I mean once we leave this body we are just souls isn't it, souls whizzing by in eternal space, breathing...

This abyss falls endlessly...
God looking upon man with a smirk as man waits with eternal patience to see the bottom..

and we all wait...
sigh...

Optimism is what makes the mind and heart weary, not pessimism..

When one settles one isn't exactly settling for a secure future, after endless wanderings, and the dreaded finding that in the end meaning doesn't exist outside or within oneself, one decides to go into a trance like state of lights and visions, as much as this could sound pessimistic, it is the ultimate state a being can enter in its existence... The eternal search for meaning and change becomes into a heap of ash once all the disillusion of new beginnings ends, and all what you are left with is existence, like the drop of fire hanging from the end of a wick...

Pessimism is the luxury of the powerful